I spend my days helping others find peace and balance in their bodies and heal from injuries.
And then, occasionally, I have to be the one on the table, eagerly asking and praying for an answer to my own pain.
Last week, I crashed my bike. For those of you that know me, I ride 5 to 50 miles a day– it is my transportation, my hobby, and a big part of my life. I love my bike. I love riding with my partner. I love riding by myself. I love the slower pace it brings to life. The things I see and the stops I make that I never would in a car.
Riding home in the faded light of the evening I failed to see a giant pot hole hidden on the far side of a speed bump. I was cruising fast, telling stories of a flock of birds that I frighten from the bushes every morning as I ride by. Motioning wildly with my hands I did not anticipate the ensuing chaos as I slammed into the hole, popping my tire and sending myself and my bike into a mangled pile on the ground. My shoe was off and my leg seemed impossibly wrapped around the frame of my bike.
My first thought: My leg is broken.
As I detangled myself from my bike and stood stood up, relief rushed through me as I straightened myself and found my legs, unbroken, perhaps slightly bruised, but fully functional underneath me. I shook myself off, the way you see dogs shake off an injury– releasing the trauma from my body. It was then that I felt my bloody arm and realized my shoulder was not where it should be. When I saw the ground inches from my nose I remember yanking my handle bars up to save my head and face, and as a result my dear shoulder took one for the team.
I am not a stranger to dislocation– I have dislocated the same shoulder twice before, playing softball many years ago. In both those cases, however, I was able to instantly pop the joint back into place. This time the angle of the dislocation was different and I was unable to tease–or force– it back into place. The shooting pain was intense and my shoulder was essentially entirely immobile.
I walked my bike home, washed off the pavement ground into my skin, iced my shoulder, bathed myself in CBD Oil and Arnica, performed a little self massage, propped myself on a pillow for the night and did my best to sleep. All in full confidence that I would wake up with a healed shoulder. I have a deep faith in the ability of my body to heal itself rapidly.
Well this time it wasn’t that simple.
Rebuilding my shoulder
First stop: Acupuncture
I don’t have a primary physician. The first place I go for practically any injury or illness is my acupuncturist. His arsenal of Chinese medicines and knowledge of the body is expansive.
He covers me in needles. “I’m turning you into a porcupine,” he says. Some of them I barely feel. Others create an intense electrical sensation running down the nerves. One really hurts so I ask him to replace it.
He pulls out the stimulator, wiring me up so some of the key acupuncture points get extra electrical stimulation. “Now I’m turning you into Frankenstein” he says. It feels like an internal tapping. My body is turned on– I breathe deep and try to relax into the sensation, following the pattern of stimulation down my shoulder, arm, and onto my leg. Eventually my legs become sensitized to the sensation and I no longer feel anything below my waist, but the shoulder stimulation remains intense.
About a half hour later he removes the needles, making special note of an extra long needle that had gone through the entirety of my shoulder from front to back. My eyes got big. Now I know why that one was so intense, he’s never used that one on me before.
We test my mobility. It’s about the same, but the pain has eased a bit.
He sends me home with a collection of Chinese herbs and the magic “brown oil”. None of it is in English so I have no idea what the contents are, but the herbs taste earthy and the oil smells soothing. I am much happier ingesting these than a pharmaceutical pill whose ingredients may as well be in Chinese.
This was my favorite, just a giant ball of herbs I was instructed to slowly eat off of for two days.
This is is the real strong stuff he says, “we usually only give this to Chinese people.” He recommends biting off a bit and swallowing it so I don’t have to taste it. “Western folks don’t like the taste”, he warns. I shrug and munch away. I like to taste the things I put in my body.
He smiles approvingly.
Second Stop: Massage Therapy
Luckily when you are in the industry, you have plenty of people to trade with. I don’t have health insurance in the typical sense, but I believe I have some of the best health care around amongst my network.
After a half hour of massage–targeted cross-fiber on the bicep tendon to help release the joint– I go back to my acupuncturist and he tests my mobility and performs a few moves to try to pop the shoulder back into place. But its stubbornly out of wack and he suggests I go see a chiropractor. The head of the humerus is just not quite sitting right in my shoulder. It’s almost back in, but it’s caught, slightly rotated.
I had not been to a chiropractor in Austin yet, and one of my massage therapists refers me to an affordable one she had been seeing for years and loves. In the afternoon I swing by the bike shop to get a new tire tube. The friendly bike mechanic recommends a chiropractor whose office turns out to be just around the block from my house.
Third Stop: Chiropractor
Convenience and the subtle signs of the universe lead me to Dr T., a cyclist himself with a kind, gentle energy. After an initial examination, he concludes I have an ac separation (separation at the top of the shoulder between the acromium and the clavicle, or collar bone) , a slight dislocation, and some soft tissue damage. He is concerned there could be some damage to the cartilage within the joint capsule. If it’s a minor tear it will heal on its own. If it’s major it could require surgery. The only way to tell is an x-ray.
I prefer to avoid all x-rays if possible. I opt out at the dentist, the airport, and any chance I get. (On a side note, other countries are scaling back on x-ray use. For example, many countries in Europe are no longer recommending women to get as many mammograms because they can actually be a big factor in causing cancer– ah the irony of our health care system).
Without the x-ray, he works a little less aggressively on my shoulder, using gentle traction and small adjustments to ease it back into place. He suggests I come back twice a day for the next few days and sends me home with exercises.
Fourth Stop: My Massage Table
The exercises are painful. It’s that scary edge where it almost feels like I’m hurting myself more, but I trust it is helping. My partner can hear my yelps from the next room over. They were so much easier with the supportive hand of the chiropractor. On my own they are nearly impossible. I even shed some tears, partially from pain, partially from the frustration and stress of losing the use of my shoulder and arm.
Exercise 1: Weights and Gravity
Lay face down on a high surface ( I happen to have massage table, but any set up where you have enough room to hang your arm down without touching the ground will work).
Starting with a 5 lb weight and then increasing to 10 lbs
Let gravity do the work, just focus on letting go — hold for 2 minutes.
Exercise 2: Supported mobilization
Lying on your back, start with elbow bent, perpendicular next to your ribs
Slowing move your arm into lateral rotation, keeping your elbow in close until your arm lies flat out to the side.
Using the support of the surface, slowly slide around, up and over head.
Lift your head and trace your fingers along your upper back until you reach your opposite shoulder.
Lay your head onto your arm and relax for a few breaths.
Then reverse the motion.
Note: this exercise can be quite excruciating at points in the motion. Breathe deep into the sticky spots.
RockTape (Kinesiology Tape)
This tape is really a great tool. Use it to support your joints or torn muscles. It has built in ridges to help guide and hold the fascia. Make sure to tape it tight with the limb in the position you need support. Consult a physical therapist, chiropractor, or even a massage therapist if you’re not quite sure how to tape it.
Pro tip: round the edges off before you put it on– it helps it not peel off and stay on longer!
Pro tip #2: After you shower, take a hair dryer to it and rub it with the back side of the paper you peeled off or another dry surface. Heat helps it to stick.
Repeat for the next week(s)
- Chiropractor 2x a day
- Acupuncture every other day
- Exercises 4x a day
Just about everyone is in agreement that it will be 6-8 weeks before I will have full use of my shoulder again. That’s assuming there is not a full tear or a little fracture, both possibilities and unknowns without an x-ray.
Despite the ongoing sharp and intense pain with movement I feel certain there is no fracture and I am optimistic about the speed of my recovery.
My shoulder is so precious. So integral to my life.
I am certain it will heal, but in the mean time I have lost my source of income and the ability to partake in most of my beloved activities. I realize that if my shoulder was to remain injured I would have to create an entirely new life.
I am reminded to give thanks each and every day for all my body parts, joints, organs, and systems that I so often take for granted.
I realize throughout this process how good it is for me to be on the other side of the table. I am reminded what it’s like to be in serious pain, to be scared of losing the use of an important part of my body, to surrender my body and trust to those working on me.
Mostly I just want to be cared about. I want personalized attention. I want someone on my side. I want someone who believes as strongly as I do that my body will heal itself without surgery. I want someone as invested in my recovery as I am.
As I try to be with every experience in life, I am truly grateful for this experience.
I’m forced out of my routine. I’m taking time for new things. I’m slowed down. I’m walking everywhere and exploring creative ways of doing things.
And most importantly I think, I’m taking note so I can be a better therapist myself.
Update: 1 week later
I would say I’m about 50%. I am out of pain except with movement. My range of motion is about half of its normal. I have strength in some positions and not in others. Next step, begin strengthening with bands and weights.
PT bands are great for rehabilitation. They come in soft, medium, and hard resistance. Use them to warm up and gently strengthen.
Update: 2 weeks later
I am back at work. My clients have been begging for me to come back, even If I only use one arm. The esthetician that works down the block said I should rename my practice “one arm massage.” I laughed, but it would I only be temporary, I responded with certainty. She’s been struggling with similar pain in her shoulder for years.
My clients say they can barely tell the difference, but on my end I’m doing a lot of adjustments and my right arm is working hard. I am using my left arm mainly for support. I cannot do a lot of leaning pressure but I have full strength in my hands.
With a little modification I can still give a really good massage.
Doing lots of strengthening exercises with bands and weights.
Update: 1 Month
I had planned a trip including a 10 day backpacking trip and 4 day acro yoga festival prior to my injury. At this point my shoulder has reached a bit of a standstill in the healing process. I have close to full range of motion, still pain in some positions, and weakness and pain with weight bearing. I felt confident in my ability to carry a 30 pound pack for 10 days, but even simple yoga positions utilizing my arm were still not possible.
My shoulder did okay on the backpacking trip. I adjusted my pack so most of the weight was on my hips, and I added precious pounds to my pack to carry my resistance bands and arnica. Nevertheless, I woke up feeling stiff and extra sore.
But totally worth it.
The Acro yoga campout turned out to be the best medicine for my shoulder. I had to opt out of some things, modify others, and really slow down and be conscious of every movement. But I came out stronger, in less pain, and with full range of motion restored. I felt supported and cared for by my fellow yogis. I felt more in tune with my body than ever. I felt more present for every transition and micro movement, and adjustment– because I had to.
These bodies of ours are incredible.
They know how to heal if you give them love, support, trust, nutrients, touch, and use. I find that people are often overly afraid of using an injured body part for fear of further injury. While this is sometimes the case, I believe most of us err on the side of caution. Our bodies often need more movement in order to heal. Tendons, ligaments, tissues, and muscles need to get blood flow, they need to be reminded how to move. They need the signals that everything is okay.
Discipline to do exercises everyday is hard– I know! And resuming normal activities may not be the right move, but perhaps it is a chance to create a habit of introducing some new movements into life. Careful, supportive, healing movement for you. Not for anyone else, or a job, or another person, or the way you look. Just for you and your body.
Recreate your body. Recreate your life.
